I miss you Tito Tony

Reading about the upcoming tribute for the late Tony Fabella has gotten me all  sentimental. Can't help but still be sad. Can't help but feel the loss. Though others probably find my sentiments overly melodramatic I really do feel a pinch in my heart every time I hear his name. I got so used to him being a part of our lives that not having him feels strange. 

In 2011 I wrote him a letter. A few years after my feelings of gratitude are still very much alive. Hope you heard my words in heaven Tito Tony! Hope you heard my prayers. A million thanks for all that you have done for us all. 

Dear Tito Tony,

A couple of years ago when i went to your wake, I cried. I cried because  I lost you. I cried because the dancers lost you. But I cried more because you would never know how much you meant to me.  We were never very close. We did not share dates to remember nor did we give gifts to each other. Perhaps to you, I am just one of the hundreds if not thousands of dancers you have encountered. But to me, you were a symbol of hope. Unknown to you when I met you I was an insecure dancer who was just drowning in the struggles of the art. I went to Teacher Perry's studio and you had already started  with some of the choreography  for her recital. I was new in her school, I was not the best nor was I the most senior in that school. I was quite possibly the lousiest in that batch. But you took my hand and brought me to the center of the room and taught me the lead out of nowhere. Heads turned, mothers were angry but you stood by me and you trusted me. You did not listen to the noise. You even took another step further as you made me a special costume with special accessories. I pretended not to notice then. But I did and I wore it with pride. You were the first person who allowed me to step into the spotlight .  It was a turning point.  From that point on I had hope in my heart. If somebody as important as you saw something good in me , then maybe there were more people out there who would give this dancer their time of day. 

From then on, you never failed to disappoint. Year after year you were there for me , encouraging me always. I remember you asking me  . . . . " Nsa PBT ka na nga ba?" I said yes  and you said. ...... " That's good. Always dance. .. . . never stop. It will be hard from now on but you just have to dance"  If I could only tell you now that as hard as it is for me to do, I'M STILL DANCING. I wish I could still dance for you.

I remember you  approaching me in Teacher Perry's studio, with a naughty and knowing smile in your face.  With the tone of your voice and other circumstances I assumed you were talking about me and my former suitor-current husband Lucas. Rumors were in the air. You  gave me unsolicited advise. Out of the blue you  said something like,  "Alam mo Erica hindi lahat ng naririnig mo totoo. Invest in people. Sometimes, you'll be surprised, how good they turn out to be. Wag ka makikinig sa iba at sumayaw ka nalang" . Again I listened  and look at what that brought me?! Nagulat nga po ako that you were updated sa chismis and that you cared enough to say something.

When I was with PBT, you continued to support me. After mounting Fiesta (where you pre-maturely grouped me with the senior tall girls ;ATE GUADA ABI LEA and TESS) , you talked to me and said, learn Guada's part you will dance that soon. I was shocked, I could not possibly do justice to her part. I didn't take it seriously just coz It seemed impossible at that point in my career. I regret because, I now realize that I failed to see the message in what you had said. I should have believed in myself because you did.

The last conversation  I had with you was  during Teacher Perry's recital. . . . . You were  smoking in the backstage lobby.My face  I guess a bit disappointed because  I did not do so well in your difficult choreography. I   changed it a bit and did not exactly want to see you right that moment. You said . . . "Napanood ko"   and  giggled a bit. "Mashado kang nerbyosa iha. Magaling ka. Don't forget that. Enjoy ka lang."  And that for me would be the first time anybody voiced out their approval of my dancing (apart from family and friends) . I was psyched. And again you gave me hope. 

There are many more stories of you in my heart. It seems that though  i never had lengthy conversations with you, that you were able to impart so much to me. You lifted me up when I needed to be lifted. You allowed me to think with clarity when  hardships muddled  my perception. More importantly, you pushed me to just continue. You have meant so much to me all these years. I wish I could have thanked you in person before you left us. I love you. Thank you for everything. I wish I could dance all the dances you've taught me. I can only wish that you  can read this as you look down on  me from Heaven. You will never be forgotten.

         Much love,
         Erica